I asked my precious middle school students to write a monologue, including a setting, a character, and a conflict. They read them aloud the other day, and one particularly precious student sat in the chair with a preface: "okay y'all, so I'm an elephant, not a human." The monologue that followed cracked me up so hard but I had to use my best acting skills to hold my face solemn. None of the kids laughed or even had a glimmer of implication in their eyes--I was shocked at the innocence. They handed in their written drafts today. This is the monologue I am talking about:
Mr. Hephelump and the Hideous Trunk
Mr. Hephelump: I just don't understand! I have the perfect color, eyes, and ears, but my trunk is way too small. For example, you DeAngelo, your trunk is perfect (the right size). I bet you everyone looking at us thinks that I am atrocious. I wish there was some way I could make my trunk longer. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Please don't make fun of me DeAngelo. I will just have to face the fact that my trunk is so much smaller than everyone else's trunk. Boohoo! I will try not to cry. I will just try to hide as much as possible. That is what I'll do. Well, see you later DeAngelo.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Getting a massage in South Carolina
I went to get a massage the other day from my massage therapist but she was busy so her dad took me in. They work as a family in cohorts with a chiropractor, and the patients get great deals on hour long massages but shhh, it's a secret. So Billy the dad is a down to earth and cheerful character. Perhaps he's about 55, and I'd say he's obese.
Immediately, when he put his hands on my neck he said, "did you have a headache this morning?" I did.
"How can you tell?" I asked.
"I can feel pain," he replied as he continued pulling my head one way and my shoulders the other. "I've got very sensitive fingers. You know, I was a carpenter before I was a massage therapist, before the accident. But I'm thankful for the accident. It helped me find my children. You know, I was mom for about 7 years."
"O-oh, that's nice," I said. A few moments of silence rolled by.
"Guess what?" he said.
"What?"
"I was healed! Have I told you about that?"
"Really, you were healed?"
"Oh yeah. A preacher came from Australia to a church about 45 minutes outside of Columbia, and the doc told me about it. So I went. I had given 5 massages that day, and I was in a lot of pain. You know, I've had chronic pain for about 15 years now, ever since the accident."
"Could you tell when you were healed?" I asked.
"Oh yeah. I fell over."
"Really?!"
"Oh yeah. It happened three times. The first time he came over and healed me and I fell over, and when I came to, I only had 70% of the pain. Then, the next time he came around, I fell over again, and then I only had 50% of the pain. I said, 'preacher I only have 50% of the pain,' and he said, 'well run around the church then.' I haven't run after the accident but I did it. I ran laps around the church I felt so good. Then, he healed me one more time and I fell over, and I came to with only 30% of the pain, and by the time I got home, I had 0% of the pain. And that was on the 19th and I haven't felt any pain since." It was the 24th. "But he did cough on me and now I have a terrible cold."
"Wow," I said.
"So I decided to read the Bible but I don't read real well because I have ADD so I got the Bible on CD, and I've been listening to it in my car on my commute. I've already finished the New Testament, and now I'm on the old. There sure are a lot of people killed and born and everything's recorded."
"I think I might have ADD too," I said, watching his feet making bee circles as he went around putting hot stones on my back.
"It's real common," he said. "My son has it, and my daughter has a touch of it. I know I have it cause I can't spell, and that has always been so frustrating. What's your line of work?"
"I'm a drama teacher."
"Oh that's fun. I used to be a pot smoking hippie, and I loved drama but mainly art. You know, I'm an artist?"
"That makes sense," I said, "if you're good with your hands. You feel and express through your hands."
"Oh yeah. Do you like these hot stones? I like to use these but Kelly and her mama get mad at me cause they say I spoil the patients. I like spoiling the patients."
Immediately, when he put his hands on my neck he said, "did you have a headache this morning?" I did.
"How can you tell?" I asked.
"I can feel pain," he replied as he continued pulling my head one way and my shoulders the other. "I've got very sensitive fingers. You know, I was a carpenter before I was a massage therapist, before the accident. But I'm thankful for the accident. It helped me find my children. You know, I was mom for about 7 years."
"O-oh, that's nice," I said. A few moments of silence rolled by.
"Guess what?" he said.
"What?"
"I was healed! Have I told you about that?"
"Really, you were healed?"
"Oh yeah. A preacher came from Australia to a church about 45 minutes outside of Columbia, and the doc told me about it. So I went. I had given 5 massages that day, and I was in a lot of pain. You know, I've had chronic pain for about 15 years now, ever since the accident."
"Could you tell when you were healed?" I asked.
"Oh yeah. I fell over."
"Really?!"
"Oh yeah. It happened three times. The first time he came over and healed me and I fell over, and when I came to, I only had 70% of the pain. Then, the next time he came around, I fell over again, and then I only had 50% of the pain. I said, 'preacher I only have 50% of the pain,' and he said, 'well run around the church then.' I haven't run after the accident but I did it. I ran laps around the church I felt so good. Then, he healed me one more time and I fell over, and I came to with only 30% of the pain, and by the time I got home, I had 0% of the pain. And that was on the 19th and I haven't felt any pain since." It was the 24th. "But he did cough on me and now I have a terrible cold."
"Wow," I said.
"So I decided to read the Bible but I don't read real well because I have ADD so I got the Bible on CD, and I've been listening to it in my car on my commute. I've already finished the New Testament, and now I'm on the old. There sure are a lot of people killed and born and everything's recorded."
"I think I might have ADD too," I said, watching his feet making bee circles as he went around putting hot stones on my back.
"It's real common," he said. "My son has it, and my daughter has a touch of it. I know I have it cause I can't spell, and that has always been so frustrating. What's your line of work?"
"I'm a drama teacher."
"Oh that's fun. I used to be a pot smoking hippie, and I loved drama but mainly art. You know, I'm an artist?"
"That makes sense," I said, "if you're good with your hands. You feel and express through your hands."
"Oh yeah. Do you like these hot stones? I like to use these but Kelly and her mama get mad at me cause they say I spoil the patients. I like spoiling the patients."
Monday, September 3, 2007
super faerie
"hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you" -rumi
...and sometimes these blessing-blossoms are not exactly what you think. for example, a timed drop of realism (sadie is particularly good at comic timing) rather than a big bunch of flowers (although she's been known to do this as well) gifted to the woman who hates her job. super faerie sadie has always been miraculously just who she is and what an inspiration that is to the world who needs her and loves her so dearly.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
In Support Of Being A Little Self-Centered
It only seems right that my first contribution to our blog would be inspired by the lovely and prolific Sadie Lane my brilliant and no-bullshit 9 year old daughter. Kristin has acted as stand-in father (at times) and loving aunt (always) since Sadie's birth and many are the times that we have all laughed together at life's drama (as Kristin states below) The world through Sadie's eyes often has a special hue that is quite unique. Kristin and I tend towards idealism and pure silliness, while Sadie is more often a realist. Yesterday was her second day back to school (fifth grade) and her first day riding the bus home.
Me: So. . .How was the bus trip?
S: Boooooring.
Me: Was the bus driver a man or a woman?
S: A woman. . . who didn't smile AT ALL the whole time.
Me: So what was she like?
S(without hesitation and very deadpan): YOU know-typical bus driver with your typical lousy job. . .she realllly hates her job.
Me: Maybe you should bring her flowers.
S: Um yeah i'd have to carry those around all day and that is NOT going to happen.
Good point Sadie-which raises the question-Is it better to live and let live or live and try to make smile? I think i know where Sadie stands on this issue.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
In the Charlotte Airport
A mom, her son (maybe 6), and a grandma sit in a booth next to me at Sbarro's pizza.
Son: What is the country with the best cheese?
GM: Italy
Son: Um hmmm (smiles and shakes his head)... or Paris
Mom: Wisconson!
Son: Mom, I said country.
beat beat beat
Son: Mom, if you were on a desert island for 2 weeks without any food, would you eat your foot?
Mom: If I had a great looking pedicure
Son: What is the country with the best cheese?
GM: Italy
Son: Um hmmm (smiles and shakes his head)... or Paris
Mom: Wisconson!
Son: Mom, I said country.
beat beat beat
Son: Mom, if you were on a desert island for 2 weeks without any food, would you eat your foot?
Mom: If I had a great looking pedicure
To Begin
For a long time, I wanted to be an actress in the movies. Then, I changed my mind - I wanted to live the movies... the movies that I realized happened all the time, all around me, whether standing still or searching afar. Ashley and I have always exchanged the characters and plot lines we see in the movies of our everyday lives. This blog seems like an interesting opportunity to keep a running list of our story pieces or anything that gives us that daily giggle (or pause) we often share. ~k
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